it's a question of comfort more than permission, but all right.
my impression is that you more than tristan or any of the others have been acting without knowing the dimensions of the risks you're undertaking for yourself, not because you don't know there could be risks but because they're above your head. that's stressful and i don't think you're very experienced with it?
it worries me because i care about you, and i know i've been part of the problem, but if everything *had* gone bad (or does go bad) you would still be involved, just more peripherally (with less pressure to know things and know how to act on them)
being on the fulcrum is scarier because you have to know your goals and who you can rely on for protection for you and elli as you try to act on them. there are powerful people who i think would help protect you if something went wrong, but that's scary in and of itself without knowing the limits of it. maybe talking to someone about where you want to fit into this would help?
i may be getting this entirely wrong but if so it's because you've been very careful. and that's fine. but i don't think it's *all* wrong...
no subject
my impression is that you more than tristan or any of the others have been acting without knowing the dimensions of the risks you're undertaking for yourself, not because you don't know there could be risks but because they're above your head. that's stressful and i don't think you're very experienced with it?
it worries me because i care about you, and i know i've been part of the problem, but if everything *had* gone bad (or does go bad) you would still be involved, just more peripherally (with less pressure to know things and know how to act on them)
being on the fulcrum is scarier because you have to know your goals and who you can rely on for protection for you and elli as you try to act on them. there are powerful people who i think would help protect you if something went wrong, but that's scary in and of itself without knowing the limits of it. maybe talking to someone about where you want to fit into this would help?
i may be getting this entirely wrong but if so it's because you've been very careful. and that's fine. but i don't think it's *all* wrong...